Ranpo Kitan: Game of Laplace Episode 3: Shadow-Man - Bobble Reviews

I see... So this is what it would be like if legendary mystery author Edogawa Ranpo was born in 1990 and wrote for televised adaptations of light novels instead.

This isn't the reality we wanted. It's the one we deserve.

Hey, so this week we don't have any human chairs to unearth. That's too bad — anyone who read into Purple's killer "Akechi's got an old-ass nasty sofa" line two weeks back is going to be sorely disappointed that it didn't suddenly come to life with the stench of lovely dead girls. But rest assured, viewers, there's more girls to be had in this week's mystery!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!

No, no, no more human furniture! This time, it's serious. Nine girls have gone missing, and we think the kidnapper might be an urban legend sort of dude named Shadow-Man. Whenever you see a stranger with a paper bag over his head, that's him.

Those three phrases would make anyone smile.

So our resident not-girl Kobayashi's on the case! Akechi's gonna join him. Oh, no, that's not Akechi! Even though Kobayashi instantly screams, "Wow, it's not Akechi, even though the two of you are totally indistinguishable in every way!" NO, because when you see him put the bag on him after he appears before you, U KNOW ITS...............THE SHADOW-MAN!!!!!!!!!!

It's a totally different person now!

Everyone goes to the park to have a little chat, about how people want the bag-man to go to prison, and how Koby is a private investigator, and all. They go to the park, where The Unknown Sad Sack can spill out his innocence, as one might cans from a bag at the grocer.

What a cameo! Couldn't have guessed that Excel Saga would be the favorite anime of Edogawa Ranpo (born 1990)!

Naturally, this whole scene is concerning for several reasons, and the purple-haired straight man's not just keeping quiet! He talks about the issues!

Dammit...

Shadow-Man didn't do it. Shadow-man couldn't do it. He loves children. But his love is a pure and holy one!! As anyone can see!!! So he wants Corncob to infiltrate the real kidnapping operation. He, the master thief who can literally transform his face, voice and body shape for no particular reason that any character is curious about, has very convincing reasoning.

Boys, yes. Lizards, maybe. But girls? As a temporary disguise? What, would you dress as God for a party???

 But...b-but having Kobe become a decoy? That's just too risky!

This is the audience leaving your corner, Purple.

Purple gives in. Purple lets K-Pop do what he wants, no matter what the cost or the reason, as he always does. As he literally always does.

Why do you not just hang your clothes on the hooks and ledges provided and let your friend with the equally-grubby-hands friend hold everything? Because LAUGHS ! !

Kobayashi comes out in a darling dress! Then she – I mean HE X3!!!!!!! – lets himself get kidnapped by the very exactly right kidnapper! Let us not address the fact that Kornwallis is plainly older than every other girl in attendance, so why anybody was certain this plan would work is a mystery. But the only thing that matters is that it worked, right?

"Yaaay!"

To make sure that this week's awful murder-kidnapper leaves no ambiguity in the viewer's headspace, he is what many would instantly label a "what an ugly fat f*** hope he dies."

"I don't have time to design a new character, so let's just use Jabba the Hutt."

Shadow-Man's innocence (for this particular crime) is all but sealed! Now Kobayashi just has to figure out how to get back to him and tell him the good news, which means finding out how to get out of these dang-blasted handcu — oh? Shadow-Man's disguised as that fat awful fatty fat man's mother because he was here all along? That's great???

And like all good children would, the kidnapped girls immediately point the way to the Dead Sad Concrete Children Room.
All hail Shadow-Man! The brown-paper priest who prays to your daughters!

All this time, he was trying to find out what happened to a particular saintly girl. She was sick, but she always smiled through it, and an old man and a nurse would always make her feel better. A mysterious entity paid for her surgery. The donor was him. The old man was him. Yes, even the nurse was him. They were all him. But in a flashback, before she died in concrete, she told him that she always knew it was him.

All hail Shadow-Man! The only human who gives off a gentle vibe!

Naturally, he makes her wear a collar.

*collective scream of every parent watching this*

Now that he knows that the god at the very peak of his pantheon is dead...he must get revenge on his sworn rival, Fat F***! It's the ultimate smackdown of pot vs. kettle.

They do this, for about fifteen seconds.

"Can't...find...a way...out..."

But then, because Purple yelled REALLY LOUDLY INTO PEOPLE'S EARS and wondered WHY IS EVERYBODY MORE CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED THAN *gasp* MEEEE!?!?, the police and detectives storm in! Ace detective-cum-straight-A student-cum-kung-fu expert Akechi leaps into action and subdues that fat, ugly tub of lard, which, again, is good, because he is universally reviled. Pray for a slow death! Hoo hoo ha ha ha!

All that kung-fu action is soon revealed to have dislocated his hip, so, you know. Character flaw.

It's ultimately revealed that Jabba was a repeat offender, so everyone already had dirt on him, except for Shadow-Man, who "needed" a decoy to get closer. Unlike the mangled remains of the Big S, Kobayashi comes out niiice and saaaaaaaafe.

Yet again, all's well that ends well, people. And yet, as surely as the town moves, the earth turns and the seasons change, Purple will always scream at Kappa for his ree-diculous antics!

>:0

"YOU'RE not a girl! If YOU dress in a DRESS, IT'LL be.....
SHAMELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D8 0_0;;"

BONUS: For more info on the mysterious gentleman thief Shadow-Man, click the link and watch this exclusive Excel Saga YouTube clip! (it's where I got some screenshots from)