Gate: Jieitai Kanochi Nite, Kaku Tatakaeri Episode 3: Fire Dragon - Bobble Reviews

This show reflects poorly on the Japanese Self-Defense Force.

Really

really

poorly.

In this episode, our heroes gotta warn the local villagers that a big red fire dragon is coming their way maybe! So they pack their things and head out onto the trail, determined!

But wait, something's still missing from this picture. We've got a lot of crusty old male dudes walking around. You know, like thirtysomethings and up. That's an unbelievable amount of moldy old crust. Our anime can't feature unique and original characters like thaWOOAOOOAOOOAH!!

WOOWOOAOHAOAHOWHHAHHAHOAOHAOUH!!

Marketing department to the rescue! Meet Small Witch Girl. Apparently, she lives on the outskirts of this village with this crusty *ugh* old *UGH* man *D'AAAOGH.*

Why have you not moved already?

They take their things, too, and go into the village to join the grand ol' wagon train. And gee, despite the SDF making a big show of using little language books, they sure are rarely shown speaking any made-up fantasy language to the citizens (also fluent in Japanese). And yet...!

I think he was just deaf until now.

A horse starts foaming at the mouth and going buck wild! No worries. The SDF, probably by virtue of some kind of weapon or sedative the locals are familiar with so as to not excessively frighten them, will put the horse down oh who am I kidding they're gonna use the guns.

*whinny*

Later that night, a gang of evil bad men is plotting to take over someplace, or something. I know what you're thinking: "Ugh, doesn't this show get me? I can't sympathize with old guy gangs who don't ever hang around hot young Babeys." Well, again, fear not! We want salvation with a short skirt and a long scythe.

She's gonna kill them all while dancing and laughing on their corpses so that they will serve as offerings to her god. Did you get the idea that she's supposed to be demented? No? Well, get a little bit of THIS face-licking action!

HELL yeah.

The show instantly gains flocks of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fans,
starved for a new band-name-references show this season and ready to make do with what they can.

The next day, our gang at the SDF is doing, I dunno, pushing carts, burning one cart because it was in the way and there was I guess literally no way around it, or whatever, who cares, the answer: nobody, because there is no GOTHIC LOLITA GIRL. ...Oh? What's that I hear? Are those the petite feet of a little cat-eared lolita littleskirt darling?

Literally no reason to lick there, Rory, but we appreciate the thought.

Then they drive out some more, and they fight the huge CG red dragon who I suppose is aptly named "Red Dragon." Hey, just like in that other show about the red Red Dragon! They shoot it all over, but its hide is too strong! They only defeat it after the elf girl sleeping in their trunk gets up and points at her eye and screams, "AAH! AAH!" That urges them to hit the eye, implying that every single present member of the SDF was stupid enough to have not tried that before during their fairly-lengthy battle. Like I said, that reflects really poorly on them.

Pretty sure this would too.

Anyway, now the dragon is dead, hooray. Perhaps you thought that during the aftermath the villagers, faced with a deluge of death as a result of encountering Red Dragon, would not only mourn, but also realize that the SDF led them into this very predicament. In fact, you'd probably think they think they're lying or at least know less than they let on. That'd be dramatic, right? Yes?

Well, no. You don't think that. You're too spellbound by the way our main character Itami rubs a little kid on the head to show her, and only her, comfort. Probably for the best, since adults typically require way complex comfort and we wouldn't wanna show all that.

Your name must be Shadow-Man 'cause you only seem to like lil' girls.

And then everybody smiles, prepared to face the new day!!!

"Nyeeeeeeh. Ain't I a stinker?"