Chaos Dragon: Sekiryuu Senyaku Episode 1: Kill One, Save Many - Bobble Reviews

This anime is based on a light novel series based on a tabletop role-playing session between five notable anime character designers who were just having fun. No. Joke.

Yeah. Yeah. Those pants are suspenders only held up by an arm-trapping championship wrestler's belt.

Welcome to the weirdly-dressed world of Nil Kamui. A bunch of warring and worrying is going on in this little island. The dragon god went berserk and the king is dead. Times is tough. Nee-chan, pass the food.

"Food," as created by five notable anime character designers.

And times is tense, too.

The important-looking on on the left is Ibuki. With Sonic the Hedgehog wisdom like that, I'm sure he makes a great prince. He resolves a little conflict in the — GAH!

WUAAAAAGH, WUAGH WUAAAAAAGH

I thought the eyes would be better when they weren't crying, but I...I was wrong

 While they're planning their trip to the supermarket, let's check in with the villains! This stag beetle hat head guy is making people carry a big chest that has an important treasure in it. And he whips them! And he steps on their faces! Daaaaamn! He's so bad! When does he go to the slammer?

They're so right!

And in the chest is the — wait, wait, stop for a moment, this is important.

WHAT ARE HER LEGS?

I mean it, I'm fascinated by those legs. And yet throughout this whole first episode, we never get a clear shot of them. Not from the front, I mean. We get about a thousand back views, but nothing clear of the front or even those monstrous, girthy sides. You mean to tell me we don't get any answers about the mystery of those huge grotesque lumpy holders of the Guiness World Record for largest sweet potatoes ever caught on film?

This really didn't help.

Back to the good guys. The nee-chan is leading a little Shinto-looking prayer session, as you do in Nil Kamui.

Rude. No blessings for this guy.

He spars with the dead king's son in the orphanage dojo. I'm suddenly left wondering why the local government left the dead king's son in an orphanage.

That's okay, though, because that guy Fugaku gives the prince a sword. Oh, but that's not okay, because after the prince leaves, Foogie broods, "Forgive me...for I have brought you into THE PATH OF DARKNESS..."

D'AAAAAAAH!

While the kid heroes go off shopping like they planned, looking at peaceful faces and happy people...trouble is brewing! And then it spills over! And then the two bad people from earlier...are about to fight everyone! Their lackeys knocked over the leeks and potatoes! And are stepping on them! Damn! That! Is so! Meeeeean!

But before we deal with that important mess, Prince Ibuki's taking a little trip to the digital world.

"No," says Prince Ibuki, and then he goes back to the regular world.

Then the villain lady gets up close and personal with him and his chums. She says throw away the sword, it's just a lump of iron, and then Shinto prayer nee-chan says NO, it's NOT just a sword, don't DO it, but then Ibuki says I don't WANNA be a king and this is the king's SWORD so just TAKE it. The way this conversation was going, you would think this is just what the villains wanted, but then the fat-leg lady goes, "Fuck it! Looks like I just have to kill you!"

No comment.

Here to interrupt the near-fatal action is none other than Foogie Howser! You know, from earlier! He screams "HehhhEHT-TAAAAH!" while slicing a guy's head off, and this causes mass pandemonium! People running and screaming, oh no, and this one woman falling down, and, and she had a baby! Ibuki is just shattered.

But then the treasure from inside the chest falls on the ground and it leaps at him and it flies onto his chest and it won't come off!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah.

And wants him to re-enter the digital world!!

No, this is a different scene.

But he won't do it! He doesn't want more war! He didn't want to be a king because kings bring war! So he...he refuses...! But will he refuse when the stag beetle head man hat villain has his whole team backed into a corner? Will he refuse when the nee-chan gets stabbed and lay dying!?

Sorry.

Will he refuse...when that other guy from the orphanage gets hurt too, but not as bad so we don't care about him!?!?

*bouncebouncebounce*

Will he refuse...IN THE HOUSE OF GOD!?!?!?!?

Say it with me, folks...
N O !

So he takes the covenant with the Red Dragon in the digi-zone. It goes something like this:

"Will you offer the sacrifice?"

"If I do, can I save this girl?"

"Yeah, if you want."

"Alright! Now save her!!"

"No."

"My...my hand...it's moving the sword on its own!"

"Oh, hi, hello, this is Nee-Chan speaking. You have to kill someone you like to form the covenant, so basically now you have to kill me."

"So maybe you should've seen this coming, is what I'm saying."

"NNNOOOOOOOAOOAOOOAOHHOOAOOOAOHH!!!!"

He gets this huge power aura for a few seconds, and then he goes totally bazongers on that evil fat man. Now that he's made the pact, he has two voices, and one's deep, like a cool stereo voice, and when he says "disintegrate" the church is like...BOOOOOOOOOOOOM. And all of the important characters look up at it. A lady with animal ears. A lady with a coffin that talks. The lady with those disgusting, tender, fall-off-the-bone legs. A man, too.

The episode ends later that day. It is raining. She is dead. They are sad. Then the lady with the ears comes over. She asks the prince, "Who are you?" And he says, "I will become the king of this island." And the sun is out, and it is a thing of sorrow.

Seeya next week!

BONUS: Click the link to hear him scream! (sorry for the low quality; also, sorry but I thought it was kinda funny)