Monster Musume Episode 7: Everyday Life With MON and an Arachne – Beeble Reviews

Meanwhile, in Stereotypical Nerdy Version Of, Japan...

Oh shit! All otaku really ARE pigs!!

Orcs have taken over the moe supply!! How will anybody survive?!!?

Today we’re flipping the OP and ED around, because we’re about to walk into a truckload of edgy gun-throwin’ assle-crashin’ something! At least it’s welcome, because it sounds far better than the one we’re usually stuck with. OK, let’s learn why one of them just HAS to be nakey, despite the fact there’ll always be another BS reason for all four of them to get stripped in the end.
 
These pigs have taken over the shop because they’re shit otaku with shit tastes in pornography. 

Yeah, but not one SF harem high school boar romance? Idiots.

The police can do nothing to help the situation, because while humans cannot harm monsters, and monsters aren’t allowed to hurt people when they’re with MC, if they’re taking over a shop, well can’t do anything about it. I mean they’ve fired shots. But that’s not, like, enough for a bureau from their own home country to come in and handle anything. They say the monster interspecies relationship bill is full of holes, and I believe ‘em, bureaucracy is all kinds of messed up. Luckily, all monsters are placed under a species umbrella. So if a human can’t do it, it means it’s a job for...THE MONSTER SQUAD 

HOW MANY JOBS DO YOU HAVE

Alright, Smith is both an agent of awfulness, as well as a special police operations person lady, that was established in some bit of episode 1. But I’m not here for her. We’re all here for DA MON-STARS so LET’S SEE IF ANY OF ‘EM DON’T SUCK 

I’m REALLY excited to see her get into action.

Someone gets shot down from the ceiling already! It’s red-haired lady from the credits!

Aw come on man how’m I supposed to like you as a terrorist when you keep giving me time and time again more reasons to make fun of your chuuni-level anime interests?

No, the casual kill doesn’t make you any cooler. Dammit why couldn’t you have held up a magazine office I like

Oh god they found a girl oh no

No, wait, actually the more danger the better. This means the good guys have no choice BUT to fly into action now! Thank goodness for narrative patterns!! 

I wish they all had 80’s squad nicknames so she could get called “The Eye.”

Hot damn, she’s sniping their guns out from a kilometer away! That’s deadass hardcore! I can believe it from a cyclops, too! 

Okay, two kilome—

GOD DAMMIT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE CUTE AND WEEPY? YOU WERE SO COOL AND PROFESSIONAL ONE PHRASE AGO

The goddamn Iron Giant comes in next to lead the frightened masses to safety.   

Not too shabby.

Well this is MonMusu, so it’s obvious, but you get a pass on this.

She just fuckin’ literally rises from the dead since she’s a zombiestein. 

No that’s not cool those aren’t lead bullets she just likes to act fancy

 

Lastly, the hostage girl? Nope. Monster Girl.

Yeah they do sometimes, it’s not their fault the men are in their circlejerkin’ too hard to notice they’re checkin’ out the Wolverine books.

Hmm, kind of really expected her to be some kind of fairy, like a Boggart. Like I could tell she could shapeshift, but I thought she’d be a weirder kind of polymorph or something. And why don’t shapeshifters shapeshift any clothes

Oh great, now I’m starting to dislike the Ogre, too. At least the naked loli one in THIS group is the smart one...

AND TOGETHER THEY ARE... 

Why is MON capitalized if it’s short for Monster which is in the group title

The Pig Boss wisely, immediately surrenders rather than face what sorts of gross punishments Smith has in store for him, like say, make him take care of a plant monster girl that eats parts of him sometimes. This means that now he’s protected under the law again, and can’t be harbored in human jail...

FUCK!!

I MEAN THEY’RE RUBBER BULLETS BUT

So she lets the Doppelganger shoot the shit out of him for her insead. The end of that tense exchange! 

That is his FEAR expression.

Aw man what the hell she just invited all her coworkers down to SOME KID’S HOUSE and now he’s expected to feed and bathe and put them to bed like all his other animal friends. That’s some bonkers banana bullshit right there. If you were in that situation, would you think it’s cute? Would you masturbate as you do to the show? No, you’d be pissed off about havin’ to work two jobs for more farm feed money. You KNOW that horse has to pack it away...

Delightful, this and airheaddedness are her two personality traits. I wish they had more good characters.

But guess what guys, woah woah woah, we’re in a TWO-SHORTS FORMAT episode here, no time for dinner. There’s a SPIDER on the loose!!!!!

Now wait! If Frankie’s a monster because she’s a zombie, was she born that way? Or once you die once and come back through some unexplained science experiment, are you from that point on unbound by human laws? That’s oddly convenient.

I like the cyclops in the other story better.

Alright, back to the MC House. The Spider escaped and they gotta be on the lookout, which means she’s comin’ to his house soon. 

Cuz FUCK YOU YOU GUYS DRANK UP ALL THE ORANGE JUICE LAST NIGHT YOU N’ YER BIG TALL LADIES YER BRINGIN IN

It’s all Smith’s fault. It’s always Smith’s fault, this show should just be called ‘Oops! I Shouldn’t Have a Job.’

MC got abducted and it’s time to go on a monster hunt. 

yur name sux

uh yea cuz in greeko mytho there wuz only 1 arachne and she died a billoin years ago DUH

Of course he already is, he’s seen 6 episodes. He knows what’s gonna happen.

Damn, if he’s hard already, then wait ‘til he learns where the web comes out of!

*Studio applause*

Well, she’s a horrible person, but she’s not a complete buffoon like almost everybody else, so that makes her an alright character at least. I sure hope we learn why she’s run into a life of crime! 

Oh. Thanks, MoMusu, I’m really glad that you listened to me this week. Maybe we CAN be friends.

Rachnea’s had it tough because half of her body is repulsive to humans, and those who want her do so only for her human-looking bits. And that’s true, that’s the reaction everyone had at first. “Ugh I can’t jack it to a snake leg. Ugh I can’t jack it to some bird arms.” But then, like you, the fanbase, MC learned the true way. He jacks it to them any kind of way off-camera. He probably did it in the back of the grocery store. So he’s already learned how to let this spider into his heart.  

Perfect. He’s found the One True Wife for him.

Yeah well look at you, I bet you have people-leg posters in your room, meanie.

Yeah! Everyone in the house has already been raped by Slime at LEAST twice!

Then the fuzz shows up once they’ve made nice.

"Unsure whether to say you’re welcome or to nurse bone..."

In a show of being a nice guy, MC tries to turn himself in for crimes he believes he did to Wario the Director from last week, even though it turns out Rachnera almost murdered him for being too Wario. In any case, she’s now fully enamored and things are turning out for the better. 

“WE DIDN’T EXPECT YOU TO.”

AWWWW SHIT HOMEGIRL BEEN LIVIN’ ON THE STREETS SHE KNOW HOW TA BE KEEPIN’ IT REAL, CALLIN’ IT NOW SHE #1 BRAIN ON THE SHELF

I CAN LIVE WITH THIS, THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I’VE LIKED WATCHIN’ THE RELATIONS BETWEEN ANYONE IN THIS SHOW. I THINK WE’VE FOUND US A WIN CONDITION

Damn guys, this was maybe the first and last good and interesting episode that worked on the character-building front. They ditched the MON squad to the end, but you know what, we know who they are and their purpose in this Japan. World-buildin’ and such, showin’ off crime. I give this one an Anal Spyder outta Ten.

Next week, unable to deal with being one-upped once, Smith goes on a house-destroying rampage!!