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Sunday, September 6, 2015

Venus Project: Climax: Episode 3: Let There be Light – Beeble Reviews


We open today on the proud nation of Pooristan. As previously mentioned, they are so incredibly, incredibly sad that their ENTIRE GDP is based upon Li'l Sick Girl’s performances as an idol.


Either this is the saddest nation ever, or DAMN do those freaks spend too much on that Idolm@ster garbage.

Manager Lady is moved from active military service to manager duty, which is sadly pretty funny. 

No, no it’s not, thanks for the self-awareness tho

But this is a necessary evil! Because the nation is SO poor they are frozen in the 1840’s. 


Did Stalin JUST leave power—sorry, I mean Pallin, despot of Pooristan

And this nation truly has a chance to get out of the dogslums...because of that TINY girl’s BIG voice... 


DAMN! Got ‘er on the first SYLLABLE yo

And so they go to the Nihon to make Yennies.


HEY! She’s not supposed to speak RUSSIAN SHE SUPPOSED TO SPEAK POORINESE THIS STORY IS HIGHLY UNREALISTIC NOW


She truly was the one-syllable wonder.

But OVERWROUGHT TRAGEDY STRIKES...


Oh NO!! If only the citizens of Pooristan were not forced to harvest the vocal cords of every other girl for their primitive street-sweeping technology

Yes, of course we should enter her in the multiple-round fighting tournament that will cause her throat to rip all the way apart

Regardless, because there are literally no other girls capable of singing and dancing in all of UnRussia, Li'l Sick Girl set her sights on the world of competitive singing and hopefully not vomiting blood. 


Sorry. No. They came to see a girl in her underwear. You fool, you literally COULD have put any loli up on stage. What a cruel military nation...

YES!! THEY CAN AFFORD 1960’S TV SERVICE SHE TRULY IS THE SAVIOR

Then comes the EPIC TRAGEDY that was the TIE between NAKED BABY and ORANGE in THE first PLACE 






no don’t c’mon she was LITERALLY about to win in ONE SECOND with the help of GRAVITY

And that was the incredibly stupid story of the...rivalry? between the two idols. Because she couldn’t hold out for another split-second. So...tragic.........................stupid BUT LOOK OUT, THAT WAS ONLY PART ONE!! LOOK! IT’S THIS GIRL AND THIS GIRL!

With friends Meddy...

...and Catapult Turtle????

Well no worries she wins yay Wait one of those isn’t a robot

Hey! And they’re watching, too!


who

Meanwhile, because this is still about Li'l Sick Girl, lookit. Lookit this girl with a tiny top hat. 

Wow, I’m sold on haberdashery alone

See, Gothic 13 is a group that got ABSOLUTELY UP-THE-FUCK-STAGED BY RUSSIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so their newest member, 14th Goth, has to take revenge for the team. 




She sure is gonna get FIRED UP for THIS MATCH!! And by fired up I mean they’re abusing her and burning her with a cigarette because the 13 others suck :S

Damn, I’m upset that one girl is being bullied by all her superiors, but I’m also sad that an entire nation is riding on the $10,000 check she’s pulling in! I really hope nothing happens to either of them... 



Well, that’s still depressing. Thanks for that, Venus Project.

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