Gate: Jieitai Kanochi Nite, Kaku Tatakaeri Episode 9: The Hakone Mountain Raid - Bobble Reviews

Today we get a Gate and tomorrow we get a Gate, because I've gotta catch up on my Gate. You're gonna see why. You are gonna see why.

'Scuse ME. As if Itami could pair up with anyone but Rory Loli Baby Goddess *~*-_0*~*

Where we last left off, everyone ditched this old dude in a detective coat who was with them last episode. I...think I missed that.

I missed the part where he DIED.

Let's fill in the blanks. The three simultaneous* "best girls" spend all day doing

* yeah as if everyone on the Internet doesn't already know which one** is best girl
** its rori

stupid bullshit

while the other fantasy world vixens spend their valuable time reading yaoi and doing

themselves!

When Blue Hair Bessie decides to sleep all over Itami Souji (who, remember, is our main character (please try your best to remember)), the thirty-four-year-old responds vaguely appropriately by

doing whatever this is!

 Here come our final blanks. Ladies and gentlemen, watch out; this one's for all the beans. Our heroes return to their important business by going _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ and putting the ex-wife's _ _ _ _ _ _ _ to good use.

If you instead filled the blanks in using "stupidbu" and "llshitt," you're still right!

But Princess Pina Co Lada and her knight (who I guess I'll call Ange because I don't know her name and she reminds me vaguely of the haughty heroine from that recent and heavily-promoted robot show everyone probably forgot about) are taking the road less traveled: the library road. Goin' on a knowledge hunt.

*laughtrack*

I have never been more proud of you.

Here comes the real plot (read: stupid serious plot because it stars old ugly men and not hot big-eyed Babeyyzzz)!

You Might Be A Marty Stu If . . .

They start talking and the Defense Minister gives Souji some orders about how some kind of war game involving the Bratz Babeyz From Outta This World!™ and you know what it doesn't make any sense to me because in all honesty I didn't pay attention to the two or three lines in which he actually explained everything (or so I would like to assume he did).

So then we watch these people in an office do war commands! Should clear things up a bit.

*sigh*

They're doing stuff like...peepin' on the Gurlz!!!!!!!!!!!

*sighhhhhh*

And making anime references, the likes of which in all likelihood further degrade the reputation of the Japanese Self-Defense Force!!

UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS PROBABLY WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD

All while the Gal Pals whisper in each others' ears and stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KEEP that in your doujins

And also while the Prime Minister gets a threatening call from the President of the United States.

That's an American, all right. You can just tell.

The episode closes with something of an A plot and B plot going on. Plot A: American soldiers bust up the Japanese war-game-or-something because the Prime Minister let the Prez have a "favor" (except he talked proudly about his decision afterward as if he didn't? whatever). Plot B: Itami Souji has been kidnapped by his drunk co-worker as well as his drunk Lolita, and he wakes up in a strange room in the middle of the night. Guess which one earns the bulk of our attention!

This is Rory beseeching you Souji after his awakening with her remarkable come-hither look. I still have no clue why anyone would want to talk to him.

*scoots chair* *gets up* *leaves*

JUST KIDDING, SHE STAYS AND THINGS START TO GET LIKE MEGA-HOT

HURK, HUOLLH, HUUAACK

So while the war-game starts to explode into actual deaths between the innocent Japanese folks and all these somewhat-kind-of-innocent white American dudes with choice, not-totally-unlikely-but-vaguely-startling names like Heidegger and Roger,

Rory is literally exploding with orgasmic might!!!! Because remember, when someone gets killed in her vicinity, her Hot Hot Super Hot Anime Weakness reaches...you might say.....a climax!!!!!!!!!!!

*scoots chair* *gets up* *leaves*

Or should I say................is about to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next time: will he or will he not squeeze that "really a hundred thousand years old" ass?????

I am DEAD serious.