Flashback: you're in college, you're a Pillow Boy, and you're having the time of your life. Havin' mixers, skippin' out on class, putting fujoshis to sleep with your magical healing words, mackin' on ladies and/or gents... But then you meet someone, the kind of person you've never met before. You make a misstep. The kinds of mistakes that you might regret for the rest of your life.
You just crossed paths with the wrong Beeble Bobble Bear, mister.
Mistake No. 1: this Pillow Boy is pompous. Acting like his magical healing words are more than just magical healing words. He ain't the god of Judeo-Christian tradition, he can't say things and have them just be true.
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| Case in point! |
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| Nnn— |
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| aw, he just made Mistake No. 2! (Mistake No. 3: doing nothing but checking his phone for five minutes in the middle of a conversation) |
This Pillowcollege Boy is trying to win my heart. He's just misguided. Poor fellow — he's trying to win me over with the kinds of facial expressions that new-age chicks do with their selfies.
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| All that's missing is some sort of fake mustache. (note: this is Collective Mistake No. 5) |
He talks ominously about how he supposedly saw me sleeping in class, which I guess is his idea of how best to connote flirtatiousness (Mistake No. 6! — that only works in Twilight).
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| That...that doesn't make sense. Mistake No. 7. Please take a logic class. Your parents paid for this. |
He tries to get me "free food." Sounds innocent; actually Mistake No. 8.
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| Now, this is a trick that some people trying to date you will pull to try and get you to pay the whole eighty dollars the next time you go out for a meal. The secret is to just say no. |
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| Mistake No. 9: doing nothing at all. |
As you can see, our Pillowfreshman Boy here isn't doing so well on his first Date-Getting Exam in, uh, Hot College Fun class! But here's my point: this was, or will be, all of us. We all think we are, thought we were, will think that we someday possibly shall be...hot stuff. We think we're infallible. We think we can say "let there be babes!" ...and then see that there are babes. We think that we can get away with all of this dude's cockamamie horseshit because nobody tells us otherwise.
And that's the beauty of this episode in particular. You are the viewer. You are voiceless. You are not a person; you are an abstraction. You are seeing what nobody should do. You should not be subjected to this. But you don't tell him otherwise.
Except when you do. When you tell him you don't want his absurdly-suspicious drug-cartel snuff-plus-semen popsicles. And when you refuse to skip classes, refuse to stop using your noodle, and sit out of the party he wants to go to.
But rest assured that that, ironically, will be your downfall.
Because this is the real world.
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| Hey Pillow Boy, sometimes you gotta know when you're not wanted. Density: Mistake No. 10. |
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| Shaming me for being a good noodle: Mistake No. 11. |
Pay attention now, students. Focus your glasses, contact lenses and slimy eyeballs, because this is what you're gonna be tested on in the classroom of life. You're gonna see situations where you have to know when to step off and when to go for it. Now, I'm going to show you a situation, and you're gonna tell me if Pillow Boy here should "just go for it" or "step off." Ready?
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| STEP OFF STEP OFF STEP OFF STEP OFF |
Here comes Mistake No. 12: being an obtrusive creeper! That's right, class. Step off, Franky, just step...off. That's an important life skill that everyone should learn at least during college: stepping the heck off.
Watch out, though, for the end of the episode, when he takes a nosedive into the territory of STEP OFF STEP OFF STEP OFF STEP OFF
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| Mistake No. 13! You probably let him slip stuff in your drink. The end! |
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