Welcome to Day Two of the Two to Three Days of Gate series. Today we're going to talk about Gate, the hottest anime in recent memory all about gates.
Last time, I speculated on whether or not Itami Souji was going to open the "gates of love," by which I mean "Rory's prepubescent ass cheeks." Will we get to watch him score? Let's watch the exciting conclus—
So much for the scene that nobody actually thought would happen*. Afterward, Rory Loli Best Girl 2015 Anime Hashtag Bae <3<3<3 does what she should have been doing all along: marching outside to kill the hordes of Japanese and American soldiers shooting around their living space.
* A shame. If it had ended in some sort of ridiculous power-up, this would've become Anime of the Year.
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| A little TOO Japanese |
And then after that, all the main characters walk away dejectedly, their hearts reasonably heavy with the blood not only of their fellows...but also...of their United States enemies.
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| Just kidding! |
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| RRREALLY just kidding! |
They proceed to do cool stuff, like take this old white dude out of his car and get on top of him, in plainclothes with no badges or anything! Hey, I am all about debasing the racial power structure in America* but, but shooting the dude?
* Black? Brown? They're not the only groups who get marginalized. Please vote sloth bear.
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| Sue them. |
As they drive the car to Wherevertown J.P.N., Princess Pina Co Lada begins to actually...think...!
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| What kind of gangland mess has this show become??? |
This "thinking" trend doesn't catch on fast, though.
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| Sounds like the exact w r o n g answer. |
But it does catch on enough to give Red Glasses Babychild Ex-Wife an idea: why don't they harness the power of the Internet, which is filled with people who love the fantasy girls traveling around with them (including weird cultists — let's ignore them for now), to create massive roadblocks and block the American terrorists who are out for their bodies and the Big Buxxx which will somehow ensure from their P.O.V. status???
Also a new character who doesn't matter. She's cute. I guess she's a haremette?
Rory already won that race. No point. Get out.
Let's check on Agent Graham, despite how sick I am of all these blond American dudes parading around. Perhaps the real fantasy of Gate is that the American military began only to accept whites, thus reducing its membership and potency exponentially, forcing them to rely on 14-year-old backwards-cap-wearing teenagers named Roger?
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| It's ugly faces like these that make me yearn for the days of Disgusting Non-White Racial Stereotype #4. |
Nearby, the car with all the main characters is pulling into its meeting place where the entire Internet will salute it! To everyone's surprise, the streets are packed (remember, they are pretty stupid). Rory goes out to ask for help, because I guess she has about three sense on her.
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| "That's a gang of hadcore Rory cosplayers out there. You send "Worst Girl" Princess Pina out there? Eaten alive. Like rabid dogs." |
They decide not to use the car after all (after like an hour). Well, I guess it can have a use. We've got a superfluous character on our hands, seeing as she has a literal zero chance of becoming Itami Souji's Ultimate Waifu. Let's just, y'know, toss her out.
Goodbye, first wife! Don't know how to drive? That's wonderful! It'll be Baby's First Drive!
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| "I'm gonna fall into a ditch!" |
Check in on Agent Graham.
Uhhhhh-huh. Anyway, the entire CIA gets arrested off-screen (that can happen?) and the main character people pray for the dead over some crappy bargain-brand flowers. No, I did not take any pictures of the crowd from the Internet. Anything you can imagine is funnier. Anything you can imagine is better.
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| "Uhhhh... *tch* ...can someone get me a bell?" |
Back to GateWorld! The Internet waves at them and they all turn around to go ":O!!" in a set of very exciting still frames. They all go back, and it's delightful. Rory puts on her new fishnet stockings, Ayanami Lelei turns on her new computer, and The Elfee goes to reunite with the spirit of her dead dad. She really has pulled out her best ghost joke!*
* "Ghoke."
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| I said "has," as in "some time much earlier than this time." |
As they all dick around for a couple hours (because as we all know, the computer's greatest strength is the sheer magnitude by which it increases your ability to Dick Around), Princess Pina Co Lada...
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| ...writes about her experiences like some kind of smart and informed person!? |
And she's allegedly working to...!?!?
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| In a fair and just world, this would be the Best Girl. |
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