I thought I had this show all figured out. I thought it'd be, you know, three or so guys who hang out and pal around after school in a slice-of-life that just happens to occasionally feature a gun club. About a minute into the theme song, I was told otherwise.
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| Perhaps a little brutally. |
Let's move on to the part that really matters: the episode itself. It opens with...oh no! A scene of school campus bullying! How will our main character save the victim? This quickly becomes a fast-paced action-comedy scene of bloodless window-breaking and body-dragging that this blog cannot effectively preserve, but whose significance can be pretty succinctly summed up in our main character's following resignation:
That's Hotaru, a violent hero of justice. OR SHOULD I SAY –
– A HEROWEEN????????? Not only that, but also, clearly, a heroine with a tender-hearted friend who knows that the quickest way to another's heart is a solid groping*. This pink-haired maiden has been Hotaru's only friend ever since the Big H moved away from the humble countryside to a sparkling new school.
* This is sarcasm. Please understand. But you know, if we're talking literal, it is one of the quickest ways.
Also, like many students in anime, Hody Jones doesn't live with her parents. No, she's moving into a brand-new apartment.
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| *BIFF* |
Her introduction: a punch. Her explanation: this man was smoking in front of the door of her new crib and chatting on a cell phone about big titties. You
don't do that.
As it turns out, this is her new next-door neighbor, Masamune! When he's not making passes on phones, he's giving Hotaru a little "good" ol'-fashioned anime-style sexual harassment – you know, suddenly grabbing the blushing and stammering protagonist of smaller stature. It's hot, you know? And it's even hotter when she takes her bag and whacks him tsundere-style! Ha ha, "fool" is right!
He also owns a gun.
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| "Shhhhhhhhhhhhh." - actual quote |
The next day at school, Pink-Hair notices something off about Hotaru, and she explains that her neighbor dude's tit-talk is what got her so upset!
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| She doesn't bring up the gun that he just had literally lying around by her apartment. Nope. She didn't tell any authorities. She didn't tell her little pink-haired friend. No, no. The gun's a secondary issue. |
Speaking of total raunch factor, Pink starts talking about how she has no money whatsoever because she blew it all on some guy at a host club. Now she wants her "friend" to buy her lunch. Because of something that was clearly entirely her own doi
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| Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. |
It's a journey to the town's lavish host club now! This place ain't like yo momma's high school host club (although I must admit that the show's whole scenario feels suspiciously like a bizarro world Ouran High School Host Club). No, this club is for adults only! Swarms of club guards are just about to apprehend H'oats when Masamune, a handsome hunky host club host (!!), lies to let her in. Wha!? It's as if he WANTS to be challenged now that she's here...!
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| *credits roll* |
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| *and then spontaneously rewind* |
The game is on. A waiter, overly prepared for such an occasion, wheels in a big, fancy, white-sheathed table for our participants. Tonight's menu:
guns.
Once both players have made their selection, it's time for everyone to put on their bulletproof glasses. Yes, everyone means every patron and every player. Because you know what? Guns could strike anytime, anywhere. And when they do, you're gonna need to protect your eyes and nothing else.
Hotel can't land a hit, even though she fires a huge volley of BBs!
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| Or...purple paintballs or something. |
How is this possible!? All that titty-trash's doing to dodge is making really slight movements! ...What's that? You're saying he could be a martial arts master!? Don't be absurd, dear reader! This is the kind of highly-advanced kinetic vision that could only be achieved by a really really really great host.
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| Teach me, master. |
Hotaru tries everything to overcome this, even running dramatically over the host club's expensive wine and chairs and totally breaking anything she touches in the process, and manages to impress – but not best – Blondie. She loses!
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| OOOOOOOOH. |
Also, per the rules, she is now, in the words of the victor, "mine!" Meaning both that she gets to be dramatically and harassmentally caressed by Massamoonay whenever he feels like it and that she must join his gun club and win many, many matches if she doesn't want to pay for all of her incredibly recent property damage.
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| Sounds awesome! |
Our heroine also learns that her best friend was just being irresponsible and didn't get cheated out of all of her money. Whoopsie! She also learns that the gun club is for boys only. Ooooooh! Double trouble!
Next week promises more gun fun with blushtastic I'm-not-a-boy action!
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| Show's reaction, not mine. |
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