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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Bloodivores Episode 2: Awakening - Bobbivore Reviews








We're really back? Wow...okay. On with the show, then. On with the, uh, "show." Remember how at the end of the previous episode, every main character FRI-KKIN' DIED BY FIRING SQUAD? You didn't, because I didn't show you that because I knew it wouldn't actually kill anyone! (Just kidding, I wasn't even paying attention to the ~shocking spooky ending~ because I was focusing so hard on the ending theme lyrics (they were not funny enough to note).)

We open with a dream that recalls Our Hero's troubled past. He was hailed as a savior wunderkind!



Who very existence raises such profound questions!

Then he dies metaphorically because the audience's cameras are like gunshots. Whatever you imagine looks a heck of a lot more spectacular than what Bloodivore's got for you, so moving on.

Oh, what's this up ahead? Another flashback, only this time it's to the episode we just saw, and basically superfluous?

Get this. We get the same shot of the death by firing squad, only we get to see the details.

The details are that it was SHOCKINGLY easy for EVERYONE involved not to die...
...and that this purple hair girl always gotta be saved by her man! Glad we got that info.

Now on to the plot: the better Deadman Wonderland. Everyone in this mystery warehouse was billed for execution, but brought here instead. All these prisoners have is a bag with some of their clothes and a gun in it. They all have collars around their necks. Wow, it's a mystery, what do the collars even do, ! I have so many questions??


Those were NOT either of them!

Luckily, an announcer lady is here to announce the rules of the death game for us. But -- oh no! It's our friend! How come she there and we here??? Oh, there's just two of them, and one's an evil robot Rei we don't care about. So, that's that, then.



One of our four main character Heroes, like Chen Lu Big Chett or whoever, will protect her from the evil rapist prisoners who laugh like Muppets, though. Every prisoner we haven't been introduced to is an idiot rapist killer.

Which is stupid because WHY HAVEN'T YOU KILLED HER?! YOU HAVE A GUN!!!
YOU ALL HAVE GUNS. GUUUUNS.


The action is about as dynamic as...




It's really saying something when, in not screencapping the most artistic and well-animated part of the show thus far, we are missing nothing at all. It's not even, even good, good animation, it's the two halves of a robotic purple-hair girl drifting slowly apart with a ToonBoom glow effect.

In her place, a large purple blob of generic monsterdom appears.

But there's most beasts to be had. Behold: all-purpose purple monsters that drift slllowwwly from the rafters and bounce casually after yooooou.

ffffffwooooooooooo

So everyone's running around the warehouse being discombobulated and trying to kill the monsters, but it's all useless, right? So the main character with kind of red hair, he's trying to shoot, but then, he realizes it's useless. So does the guy next to him, who shoots himself, because it's so useless. But before he can shoot himself, a monster drifffts! placidly by and eats his head off. But he's still shooting, so as his body collapses to the floor, his machine gun is just firing into the sky. That's the edge factor of this show. It's just about the maximum edge.

And yet with all that edge, this is as high as my screencapping abilities can POSSIBLY extend. Sorry...

Guys...I know this might come as a shock to you, but...I mmmmiiiiiiiight not do this one next week, so...

Can we talk, then, just briefly talk, about how this hemomancer guy is a professional actual assassin,
but his outfit is a bright purple flashy piece of shit and his weapons are try-hard mini-crescent blades?

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