Owarimonogatari Episodes 1+2: Ougi Formula – Beeble Reviews

Oh honey, oh baby, oh goodness y’all I’m so happy this is back, you all know what I’m excited for. HERE IT IS
 

maths? oh okay then nevermind

uhhhhhh okay there’s a math metaphor but IT’S THE FREAKIN’ MONOGATARYYYYYYYY this is the show I DO like okay now but wait...shit, I can’t keep up with enough of it to actually explain it to people, I think my love has fucked me from the get-go.

She’s patronizing me. She knows I know nothing.

We pick up after the opening narration chapter thing in The Classroom of the Future, locked in by art nobody can understand.

I bet they just don’t know how to make them do the ‘SWOOSH’ thing.

Araragi is locked in with Ougi, the freaky freak dark mystery friend girl nobody knows anything about still except she’s related to just some dude everybody likes. Maybe.

What, no DIGITAL clock?!?! Everybody got STUPID in the future...

Oh well meanwhile in the earlier

This story takes place before Araragi met Ougi,when she’s the new transfer student. She’s got a problem and Araragi’s the Problem Guy so...

Alright, we need to fix the floorplan a little and make it match up. Get your hard hats, this one’s a construction adventure.

The pair goes to check out this bonus room, and then BOOM LOCKED ROOM MYSTERY! The mystery is why the room is locked duh

Jesus de Monte Christo I forgot I wore out all my pens on the first two seasons

He’d have sat all the way in the back ‘cuz you’re icky, but he didn’t wanna look rude

But they make repeated mentions of Araragi’s first year in school...so this had gotta be the opening to a flashback story. We already did time travel in this show, and we’re already in a time-stop. We gotta do it properly this time.

Via time-swim.

MY CHUNI PHASE!!!

Ougi comes up with the theory that the PHANTOM CLASSROOM was created out of an immense feeling of resentment come from Araragi’s past. And if that’s the case I guess that everybody’s got like five phantom classrooms at their old schools but anyway there was something of a class trial surrounding him for reasons still unexplained that changed his world view...

STOP IT OUGI, YOU’RE REMINDING HIM OF HIS CRINGE PHASE!!

Oh no way, you mean to tell me that in a story where everybody else’s neuroses take the form of symbolic animal ghost god spirits, Araragi gets a lame room?! Not fair!!

And so we finally begin the backstory. 

More like zero *SNCKR SNRRT*

Aw no! But we already HAVE a tsundere and she’s a walking subversion/exaggeration of the trope!

See there she is! Send the new one back to Nisekoi!

Everybody was gathered to figure out who stole math text exam answers (allegedly) and spread them through a study group.

I’d ask her to take it down a notch but she would clearly kill me.

OOOOHH DAMN, THAT’S COLD.

So she’s not a tsundere, she’s just plain awful.

Apparently the discussion goes nowhere and ends up heading south, but for now (literally now as in outside of all the flashbackin’) Ougi gets an idea off the story. 

Hooray! With their new Cosmic Clarity I’m sure they can figure it all out.

All the mysteries? Okay okay first off where’s Meme

And then it’s a mystery where all the people have different views of avoiding or attacking different ideas and views.

Pictured: The Noir of Sickness

Damn, Mr. Zetsubou-Sensei used to be real weak of heart...and will again someday??

SLLLLLLLLLLIP

So, so anyways, so anyways, so, so anyways, uh um........um.......so the thing that happened....the result was

AUUUUGH

STOP! EVERYBODY PLEASE! SOP THROWING EVERYTHING AND STOP STROBING THE LIGHTS!! CALM DOWN THERE’S JUST TWENTY MINUTES I CHECKED

“Oh come on, Prez! You did better in Language Arts!”

SHIT.

Oh thank god vindicated by the Green of Questioning.

Well, democracy IS a popularity contest...

The guilt of pushing her into self-condemnation haunted Araragi enough to swear off personal relationships, until the whole thing with vampires and the nice girl and the Kizu in a movie. 

Oh, uh...um, damn...?

The fact that all these kids just up and announced her as the culprit without real evidence caused his belief in the justice system, even on a minor children’s level (his parents are cops!) to fall apart. If it’s something so cheap and easily-produced that the truth can be built off of absolute bullshit, why even bother? And there went his trust in humanity.

Chuuni Transformation: Complete.

NO! IT IS “AT EAST” OUGI! GOD YOU ARE SUCH A TERRIBLE ENIGMATIC THREAT!

So...if they couldn’t figure out the culprit, they still can’t get out of the room. But they don’t even really remember the people in the room, judging for how they’re just floating words now. How the hell are they gonna get out of here now?

HOO BOY CONDEMNATION RED MAKES EVERYTHING SO JUICY AGAIN

Shit! Now wait I finally caught it, tsundere with a MANEKI NEKO theme?! Tryin’ ta muscle in on both the best girls no I’m glad you’re too depressed to go to school anymore

Oh ok

It’s because of a long series of clues that came together from a line-up of factoids from far earlier in the piece, and the above named Name is THE HOMEROOM TEACHER who is a MATH TEACHER and was going to be ASSESSED ON HOW THE CLASS PERFORMED so they made the EXAM QUESTIONS BASED ON WHAT THE STUDY GROUP THEY HOSTED WENT OVER!!!! Did you know that the author of this series made a mystery series afterward? Cool.

“Me, I'm gonna go throw Tetsujou in the slammer.”

They made mention of how since the incident, New Girl Sodachi was still listed as moving up in grades as Araragi did, but she’s not been seen at school at all. Probably thanks to the teacher pulling strings for being so terrible and never coming forward to say what really happened. I guess that’s nice.

And sitting back in that chair Araragi was in for the whole episode, eh? Damn.

Said with the least bit of emotion possible, ooch.

The next day a development happens.

Oh I see you Hanekawa even after your hair cut thing tryin’ to get some skinship

And thus Araragi concluded his last year in high school through homeschooling. The end.

Can’t wait to see how they’re going to make her really likable in the end tho